A Conversation We Need to Have
When I set out to write this article, I didn’t expect it to be easy. Masturbation is one of those topics we tend to brush under the rug. Society labels it as “natural,” “normal,” and even “healthy,” while in spiritual and religious settings, it’s often treated as something shameful and wrong—but rarely explained. This silence leaves many men, especially those in addiction recovery, confused, conflicted, and alone.
Let’s be honest—whether you’re actively recovering from addiction or just trying to live a more intentional life, this subject matters. This isn’t just a taboo topic—it’s a life-changing conversation about connection, healing, and hope.
The Common View: Why Masturbation is Seen as Beneficial
Most modern discussions around masturbation highlight its benefits—particularly in physical and psychological terms.
Neurotransmitters Released During Masturbation
Masturbation triggers the release of powerful neurochemicals.
- Dopamine – The pleasure and reward hormone.
- Oxytocin – Often called the bonding hormone.
- Endorphins – Natural painkillers and mood enhancers.
- Prolactin – Associated with satisfaction and relaxation post-orgasm.
These chemicals create a temporary sense of relief, especially from stress or anxiety. No wonder so many turn to masturbation as a coping mechanism.
Stress Reduction and Mood Management
For men battling anxiety, depression, or isolation, masturbation may offer short-term relief. It’s accessible, private, and feels like a safe outlet. It is usually presented without any meaningful downsides and has been framed as “self-love.”. However, this surface-level benefit is where the conversation often stops.
A Deeper Look: Is It Helping or Harming Recovery?
For many in addiction recovery, especially those who struggle with pornography or sexual addiction, masturbation can lead to more triggers, pitfalls, and relapse. It stimulates many of the same systems that pornography does and activates the same neurochemicals as any sexual act.
Because it is a sexual act.
It ignites powerful feelings and sensations in the body and can become just as compulsive and addictive as pornography. Oftentimes, it’s more challenging to stop as it is more accessible than pornography.
My Personal Conflict and Definition
As a therapist and a man in recovery, I’ve seen how masturbation can derail progress. For some, it becomes another compulsive behavior, a numbing agent, or even a gateway back into deeper struggles in seeking sexual encounters.
Personally and professionally, I’ve come to define self-masturbation as problematic. It is similar to people who go to AA meetings to stop drinking alcohol but are consuming gallons of coffee or cartons of cigarettes. Switching one addiction out for another, even one society says is acceptable, means the real problem is not being addressed. And for those in recovery, masturbation usually becomes addictive and a distraction from real recovery.
The Spiritual Lens: An LDS Perspective on Masturbation
As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), this subject holds spiritual weight for me.
The Law of Chastity and Self-Stimulation
The law of chastity is defined as a commandment from God reserving all sexual relationships to be between a man and a woman who are legally married.
Masturbation, when used individually, is a sexual act outside of the bonds of marriage. One that forms neural and emotional bonds with something or someone outside the marriage covenant.
Whether done alone or with the aid of pornography, it shifts our focus from developing the relationship with our spouse to ourselves.
Why This Perspective Matters
Some argue the shame around masturbation is purely cultural. There is an aspect of the social stigma that does feed into the shame felt around masturbation. In turn, through social influences, we can try to justify and remove those negative feelings.
But for those who have lived the cycle—guilt, secrecy, and isolation—it’s clear there’s something deeper happening.
It’s not just about religious rules. It’s about moral alignment, emotional integrity, and honoring our bodies as sacred vessels. It is about aligning our focus on our intimate partners instead of trying to rely on ourselves.
The Secular View: Addiction, Compulsions, and Connection
You don’t have to be religious to recognize that compulsive behaviors can hurt us.
Is Masturbation a Substitute Addiction?
In recovery, it’s common to replace one addiction with another. Masturbation can become the “acceptable” escape once alcohol, drugs, or porn are off the table. But if the behavior is compulsive—if you can’t stop even when you want to—it’s not freedom; it’s just a new prison.
One that is more accessible and just as compulsive. We must address our problems at their root, or we get stuck in cycles of coping but never finding peace.
Physical and Relational Impact
The book Systemic Sex Therapy reviews sexual problems in relationships, ranging from premature ejaculation to desire problems, and how to address them in the context of the relationship. The authors instruct the therapists on assessing the root of the problems. For each of the specified disorders, therapists are directed to assess if either partner masturbates, as it can lead to or impact sexual function between the couple.
Compulsive self-stimulation can desensitize your body and disrupt natural sexual intimacy. Men report decreased satisfaction with their partners, difficulty with real-life arousal, and emotional detachment. The irony? What’s supposed to bring comfort often breeds loneliness, creating a cycle of disconnect and then more “self-soothing.”
The Recovery Perspective: Choosing Connection Over Isolation
Biological Bonding and Emotional Health
Each time you masturbate, especially to fantasy or porn, your brain wires itself to that stimulus. Over time, it becomes harder to connect sexually—and emotionally—with real people since real people can’t live up to the fantasy. In marriage, sexual intimacy is more than pleasure and self-soothing. It’s about building trust, vulnerability, and mutual love.
The Case for Self-Mastery
Addiction recovery is not about repression—it’s about transformation.
Choosing not to masturbate isn’t about shame. It’s about reclaiming your power, honoring your body, and directing your energy toward meaningful connections. Often, the discomforts and stressors in our lives and bodies are meant to prompt us to connect more with others, not to turn towards ourselves.
Self-love can be taken too far if we do not address our problems appropriately and significantly.
You can take on life and all its problems. You will need help and support. Allow the triggers to push you to your family and God. Choose to connect, not isolate.
Practical Recovery Tips for Men
- Track Your Triggers – Boredom, stress, loneliness? Identify what drives the urge.
- Use Accountability Tools – Apps, support groups, or trusted friends.
- Develop Healthy Outlets – Exercise, journaling, prayer, or service.
- Seek Professional Support – Therapists who understand addiction and sexuality from both secular and spiritual perspectives.
- Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection – Every choice toward healing counts.
Conclusion: You Are Not Alone
If you’ve struggled with masturbation and feel caught between shame and justification, know this: You’re not alone—and you’re not broken. Recovery is not about being perfect. It’s about being honest, intentional, and aligned with your values.
Masturbation is not the worst thing in the world—just another distraction and mistake.
Whether you’re religious or secular, single or married, in recovery, or just starting your journey—you deserve a life filled with authentic connection, emotional freedom, and hope all mistakes, sins, and distractions can be overcome and forgiven.
You are worthy of forgiveness and satisfying relationships. Sexual activities are beautiful and healthy when expressed appropriately.
This isn’t just about stopping a behavior. It’s about becoming the kind of man you were always meant to be with the relationships you want to have.
FAQs
1. Is masturbation always considered an addiction?
No, just like how pornography is not considered an addiction by the APA. But it can become just as problematic as an addiction when it is compulsive, interferes with daily life, or is used as an emotional escape.
2. Can masturbation affect relationships?
Yes. It can lead to decreased sexual satisfaction, emotional disconnect, and unrealistic expectations within intimate relationships.
3. What does LDS doctrine specifically say about masturbation?
While not always explicitly detailed, LDS teachings uphold the law of chastity, which we interpret as prohibiting sexual activity outside of marriage, including masturbation.
4. Is it possible to recover from compulsive masturbation?
Absolutely. With support, awareness, and intentional action, many men find freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. It is possible to recover from any compulsive behavior.
5. What resources are available for men struggling with sexual addiction?
Therapists, 12-step groups like SA (Sexaholics Anonymous), church leaders, accountability apps, and trusted friends are all powerful tools on the path to recovery.